The clock said
3:30 am
It's red numbers had a slight twitch, a blur.
They would shift sideways, then back.
I closed my eyes for what seemed like hours, concentrating on breathing slowly.
3:31 am
“Fuck it”
I decided retaliation was in order.
Earlier that night we were drinking espresso, and Dave came up with the idea to add “Vivarin” caffeine tablets to the espresso pot, because before the espresso, we had been drinking "Schuss Boomers", an odd concoction of hot Dr. Pepper and rum, and Dave said the rum was making him too sleepy.
I admit, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But now I was lying in bed twitching and having strange tunnel vision hallucinations.
It's red numbers had a slight twitch, a blur.
They would shift sideways, then back.
I closed my eyes for what seemed like hours, concentrating on breathing slowly.
3:31 am
“Fuck it”
I decided retaliation was in order.
Earlier that night we were drinking espresso, and Dave came up with the idea to add “Vivarin” caffeine tablets to the espresso pot, because before the espresso, we had been drinking "Schuss Boomers", an odd concoction of hot Dr. Pepper and rum, and Dave said the rum was making him too sleepy.
I admit, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But now I was lying in bed twitching and having strange tunnel vision hallucinations.
“Fuck it”
I turned on
the light and fished around on the top of my dresser until I struck pay-dirt.
A bundle of bottle rockets, a pack of "Black Cat" fire crackers, and a half a pack of "Old Gold" cigarettes.
I unwrapped the pack of fire crackers, unbraided two and set them aside. I took the remainder with me as I crept down the hall with a cigarette dangling from my mouth, and an aluminum baseball bat in my hands because, well, you never know.
Outside Dave's door I crouched down, quietly setting the bat on the floor.
Working carefully, I took the fire crackers and untwisted the main fuse, brushing away some of the black powder to slow the burn.
Then I slowly slid the pack under Daves door until only the tissue paper fuse remained outside.
I lit it with my cigarette, grabbed the bat, and retreated to my room.
The click of the deadbolt on my door was followed by the staccato raping of the fire crackers, and then a few seconds later, Dave was beating on my door accusing me of being some kind of fucker.
I thought it was rude of him to beat on my door in the middle of the night, so I began launching bottle rockets out under the door, and then listened to Dave scream and run away, presumably back to his room.
After a while I figured justice had been mostly served, But we still needed a random element.
So I took the two remaining fire crackers and crept quietly into the kitchen.
I placed them on the stove burner under the coffee pot, which had been set up before we went to bed so that whoever woke up first need only turn on the burner to start the coffee.
A bundle of bottle rockets, a pack of "Black Cat" fire crackers, and a half a pack of "Old Gold" cigarettes.
I unwrapped the pack of fire crackers, unbraided two and set them aside. I took the remainder with me as I crept down the hall with a cigarette dangling from my mouth, and an aluminum baseball bat in my hands because, well, you never know.
Outside Dave's door I crouched down, quietly setting the bat on the floor.
Working carefully, I took the fire crackers and untwisted the main fuse, brushing away some of the black powder to slow the burn.
Then I slowly slid the pack under Daves door until only the tissue paper fuse remained outside.
I lit it with my cigarette, grabbed the bat, and retreated to my room.
The click of the deadbolt on my door was followed by the staccato raping of the fire crackers, and then a few seconds later, Dave was beating on my door accusing me of being some kind of fucker.
I thought it was rude of him to beat on my door in the middle of the night, so I began launching bottle rockets out under the door, and then listened to Dave scream and run away, presumably back to his room.
After a while I figured justice had been mostly served, But we still needed a random element.
So I took the two remaining fire crackers and crept quietly into the kitchen.
I placed them on the stove burner under the coffee pot, which had been set up before we went to bed so that whoever woke up first need only turn on the burner to start the coffee.
Satisfied, I went back to my room and laid down.
Then I reached over and shut off my twitching alarm clock.
I didn't think I'd need it.
Then I reached over and shut off my twitching alarm clock.
I didn't think I'd need it.
I dozed, having odd uneasy dreams until, right on
schedule,
BANG!.....BANG!
BANG!.....BANG!
Time for coffee!
